by Overload

Commander Data sat on the floor of his quarters.  He leaned up against the side of his bed, with his face buried in his arms, and he cried as though his heart would break.  It wasn't that long ago that his emotion chip was newly installed, and he was sorely regretting that he had ever come across the stupid thing in the first place.  For now he experienced human feelings in full force, and as such, felt stressed, overwhelmed, and scared.  Not to mention the horrible feeling of guilt, as he was feeling now.

After a moment, he felt something soft tickle his hand and he looked up, sniffling, at Spot who was watching him with much concern.  The orange tabby cat mewed softly and Data reached up and scritched her between the ears.  His chest was still hitching, and his eyes still watered yellow tears, but he managed a small smile.  "You have no idea how good it is to see you right now, Spot.."  he croaked, and then his smile faded.  "Although...I do not believe I deserve to right now.  I do not believe I deserve to see anyone ever again.."  Data's lower lip trembled as he absently sat up and drew his cat into his arms, settling her into his lap.  Spot allowed this.  Granted she wasn't used to seeing her master as the tearful, runny-nosed sight he was now, but that didn't matter.  She not only had a warm lap, but one that needed comforting.  Data held her tighter.

"I should have helped Geordi when he was captured.  I should have done something.  But..but when Soran cornered me..a-and he aimed that phaser rifle at my nose...  I was scared..and all I could think of was that he was going to shoot me...and that...that if he did, I would feel pain..and that I would die...and...and..."  Data began to sob harder, crying into Spot's fur.  "I should not have cared about myself hurting!  I should have cared about Geordi hurting!  It was...it was my duty as a S-Starfleet officer and...and as G-G-Geordi's friend to help him, and I did not and now Geordi is in pain and is captured and it is all my fault!"  

The android hiccoughed, and hugged Spot tightly, resulting in a squeezed "myah" from the cat.  Spot struggled to get down.  She enjoyed a good cuddle, but enough was enough and she wanted down.  Data noticed this and let her go, feeling more miserable than before.  He wanted to be deactivated.  He wanted to escape this emotional turmoil.  But most of all, he wanted to stop failing his loved ones.  Data snuffled again, and absently wiped his nose with the back of his hand, all the while pondering this.

Just then, Data's combadge chirped.  It was the Captain, wanting Data's assistance in the Stellar Cartography simulation area.  Data got to his feet and composed himself as much as he could.  He grabbed a tissue and quickly scrubbed the tears away, forcing himself to calm down.  He then took a deep breath and left his quarters.  As miserable as he felt inside, he knew he had to keep going, knew he couldn't give up.  Knew he had to keep trying and be as strong as he could.

It was his duty.  Both as a friend, and to Starfleet.

Fin